Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is a neurological difference in how the brain processes information and experiences the world. The key word is spectrum. It doesn't present as one set of symptoms. Instead, each autistic person has a unique subset of traits. These traits can vary in intensity. They aren't always severe; sometimes, they're just a recognizable difference "at the margin" between a neurotypical personality and a neurodiverse one.
This guide explains my specific traits to help us communicate and work together more effectively.
I am literal, but I appreciate language. My brain is wired to understand the literal meaning of words first. While many people use tone of voice and social context to find an implied meaning, I don't process those cues as well. The best way to communicate with me is to be direct and say exactly what you mean. When people say, "How are you?" I either give them an honest answer, or say, "I'm fine," without immediately following up with, "and how are you?"
That said, I'm very happy to use idioms! I find they are a great way to lighten up a conversation and "package" abstract concepts. I also have a dry, witty sense of humor.
You may notice that I wait for you to completely finish your question before I start to answer. I prefer to receive the entire data packet before I start formulating my own response. If a group of people overlap their sentences too much, I usually wait for a gap before responding.
I don't naturally pick up on subtle social cues or hints. To navigate social situations, I've had to learn and create my own internal set of universal social rules.
I follow these rules rigidly because they are my primary map for "playing the social game" correctly. This can sometimes cause friction if my internal rule is different from the one someone else is using. I'm always playing "catch-up," trying to update my rules to a detailed set of rules that works universally.
For example, I like to be on time for things, even in contexts where being late is socially acceptable. Also, when driving, I rigidly stick to the rules of the road, even in situations where other drivers put social cues between drivers above the rules of the road. When walking in busy public places, I get confused when people don't walk on the left-hand side.
This internal rulebook is built on logic, not on social hierarchy or unwritten context. This can look like I'm "stepping outside" a social norm, but it's a byproduct of my processing.
This happens for two main reasons. First, I may simply not "see" the invisible social norm that others find obvious.
Second, I will often prioritize my logical rule when it conflicts with a social norm. For example, I will wait for a green light to cross the road as a pedestrian, even if everyone else is jaywalking, because my logic (it's the rule, it's safer) is superior to the social norm (everyone is doing it). This also applies to bigger things: my internal logic dictates that I shouldn't make assumptions based on people's race, so I don't, even when social norms or pressures might subtly encourage it.
This also means I need reasons for commands. My brain defaults to logical systems, not social hierarchy. A command without a "why" is just incomplete data. It's not defiance; it's a need for the command to pass a logic check. "Because I said so" is a social reason, not a logical one.
Clarity in planning is key. I thrive on structure. I build a medium-to-long-term "framework" for my life because it reduces anxiety. Please communicate plans clearly, preferably in writing (like a text message). Within this secure structure, I can actually be very spontaneous!
I get in the "flow." I can enter a very deep "flow state" of concentration. This is often called hyperfocus. It's highly productive, but also not something I like to break out of while it's happening.
My interests are focused. I have deep interests, and I'm good at understanding complex systems. This is a common autistic trait. For example, I understand how computers work quite well. This is because my brain excels at systems-thinking and "bottom-up" processing. I think linearly and methodically, which is a perfect match for a computer. A computer is a predictable, rule-based system: if you do X, Y happens. There's no subtext or "reading the room." This logical, step-by-step approach is exactly how the machine itself "thinks," which makes it a very comfortable system for me to operate in.
I am sensitive to specific types of noises. It's more about sounds that are invasive, high-pitched, or repetitive.
Things like:
A buzzing speaker
Social media videos
Hooting cars
Construction
A megaphone
When I have deep conversations, a quiet environment helps.
As you can see, these traits all fit together to form a description of my personality. Understanding these few preferences—for direct communication, clear plans, and a low-noise environment—is the key to a great friendship!